Trust Issues: Blocking Your Healing and The Support You Need
*Note: the blog content referenced in the video above can be found below.
I recently received an email with the following question…
How do I get to the place where I can trust you and rely on you through my healing?
This is a really great question and, of course, trust is a vital aspect of any relationship.
Typically, people who come to me are seeking answers and are ready to heal. They may have found a video on my YouTube channel or Facebook page, or signed up for my free Empowered Healing gift. Something I said resonated with them and they sensed that they could trust me and my ability to help them.
But sometimes, even after watching my videos and feeling a connection with what I say, reading testimonials from all of the people I’ve helped heal, and seeing that I have helped people just like them, they still hesitate putting their trust in me and question if it will work for them.
When trust isn’t present, it interferes with them receiving what is being offered, and I see it very often in the work I do. There are many potential sources of mistrust, and some common ones sound something like this…
Nothing has worked before, so why should I trust you?
Seeing through the block would be to see that you haven’t tried this yet. When talking about some part of what I do, people often say, “Oh, I’ve already done that,” and while the same or similar term may be used, there are some very important differences.
I can’t trust anyone else, I want to figure it out, I want to do it by myself.
This sort of thinking often begins in childhood when you wanted some type of support but didn’t get it, so you adapted by being too independent, and this actually causes you to push away the right kind of support.
None of us can heal on our own.
In order to receive the support you are seeking, you need to know that you need help from others to show you what you can’t see and teach you what you don’t know.
One of the ways others trust me is that they see that I’ve been through where they are struggling and I’ve come out on the other side. This natural “resonance” then helps them allow me to help them in the same way I healed
But even before you can release your pain, patterns, and symptoms, you have to get to the point where you want to heal and change it.
(Check out Rock Bottom, A Wonderful Place to Be.)
Seeing trust issues, not as a self-protective, but as self-sabotaging helps to motivate you to work through them. This isn’t necessarily easy or obvious and some of these patterns are even unconscious to begin with. While your inability to trust is your natural instinct to protect yourself from the pain and hurt you experienced before, it is also the very thing that keeps you from getting what you really want in your heart of hearts, not just in healing, but in your closest relationships.
There is a difference between the natural self-preservation response and the self-sabotage that will prevent you from healing and growing. Before you address your old wounds that have created these trust issues, seeing the difference between the two can be very difficult. This, again, is why working with someone who has been where you are is so important. It’s important to remain open to suggestions that challenge your typical patterns of “protection.”
If you truly have a desire to heal and change, and it’s still difficult to accept the support you need, you may want to explore why that is through your attachment style.
Here’s what an article from Psychology Today has to say about attachment style and trust. As you read, consider how this can affect how you relate to someone helping you heal:
“The nature of attachment to our caregivers in childhood—whether it’s secure or insecure, and, within the insecure category, anxious or avoidant—may influence how trusting you are, because these early attachments provide a model of how you see the world and the people in it.
The avoidantly attached individual—someone who has been neglected, rejected or even abused and thus avoids close contact—stays clear of relying on anyone for help because they don’t trust at all, and they do what they can to remain autonomous.
Trust or lack of it isn’t produced through rational thought processes but are processed according to a mental script we may not even know we follow.
If you have trouble trusting people, it may be helpful for you to focus on what you’re bringing to the party. Are you interpreting their words and gestures correctly—or do you tend to misread the cues and behaviors that indicate that they actually will be there for you? Are you responding to your internalized script or to what’s playing out in real time? Is it your script or the people you’re choosing to associate with? Are they predictable? Can you count on them and, if you can’t, why not?”1
Here are some questions to explore in your journal to help you break through your blocks. I have found it useful to stay focused on your feelings, in your belly, to see if there is some fear being triggered, and then allow it to move through you:
- Have I tried to do it by myself and has it worked?
- Has this person been where I am, healed themselves, and helped others do the same?
- Do I not trust this person to help me because of how I feel about them or how I feel about what they are suggesting I do?
- Do I have any valid reason not to trust them?
- Is staying the same serving me in some way? Why don’t I want to change?
- What do I have to lose by trying?
- What do I have to gain by trying?
- Is it worth it to try?
Let me know how it goes and if you have any questions!
Lots of love,
1Nature of Attachment quoted from: Psychology Today