Sizeism and Self-Love

My wish is to not notice weight


There is a heavy weight on how big or small a woman’s body is


It has a similar feel to racism


That you are better than another


Because of your color or size


I pray that we can drop the comments and judgments


I am guilty as you, I am also a victim of sizeism


Because I was judged if I was not skinny


I did not feel loved or pretty


If I was not skinny


Which created an internal judgment


And an external focus on another women’s size


What triggers me is men, and women, who make comments


When a woman is skinny she is sexy and beautiful


And when a pretty woman carries a few extra pounds


She is fat.


I pray that we can all drop the comments and judgments


And see the beauty in all sizes.


When I was 15 years old my basketball coach said that I was not skinny


Implying I was not acceptable


From then on I developed a distorted body image and eating disorder


Which was reinforced by my family


And then the modeling agency


Instead of gaining the freshman 20, I lost 20 pounds my first year of college


Fat-free diet meant beer, cereal and daily cardio

In my 20’s I continued to drink, do drugs and battle with my food, weight and body image.


Once I started to detox and fast, it became another way to clean my shame, control my weight and gain external approval.



It’s been a long journey and now, after almost 40 years, I finally came to know self-love. For the first time this year I didn’t default to an extreme detox diet or fast for my big day, my wedding. I know what I’ve put my body through after all these years, and after 2 miscarriages in under 2 years, I have learned to nourish and nurture myself and others.


Instead of detox I embrace self-love.



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