My wish is to not notice weight
There is a heavy weight on how big or small a woman’s body is
It has a similar feel to racism
That you are better than another
Because of your color or size
I pray that we can drop the comments and judgments
I am guilty as you, I am also a victim of sizeism
Because I was judged if I was not skinny
I did not feel loved or pretty
If I was not skinny
Which created an internal judgment
And an external focus on another women’s size
What triggers me is men, and women, who make comments
When a woman is skinny she is sexy and beautiful
And when a pretty woman carries a few extra pounds
She is fat.
I pray that we can all drop the comments and judgments
And see the beauty in all sizes.
When I was 15 years old my basketball coach said that I was not skinny
Implying I was not acceptable
From then on I developed a distorted body image and eating disorder
Which was reinforced by my family
And then the modeling agency
Instead of gaining the freshman 20, I lost 20 pounds my first year of college
Fat-free diet meant beer, cereal and daily cardio
In my 20’s I continued to drink, do drugs and battle with my food, weight and body image.
Once I started to detox and fast, it became another way to clean my shame, control my weight and gain external approval.
It’s been a long journey and now, after almost 40 years, I finally came to know self-love. For the first time this year I didn’t default to an extreme detox diet or fast for my big day, my wedding. I know what I’ve put my body through after all these years, and after 2 miscarriages in under 2 years, I have learned to nourish and nurture myself and others.
Instead of detox I embrace self-love.