Sizeism and Self-Love

Sizeism and Self-Love

 

Sizeism and Self-Love

My wish is to not notice weight

 

There is a heavy weight on how big or small a woman’s body is

 

It has a similar feel to racism

 

That you are better than another

 

Because of your color or size

 

I pray that we can drop the comments and judgments

 

I am guilty as you, I am also a victim of sizeism

 

Because I was judged if I was not skinny

 

I did not feel loved or pretty

 

If I was not skinny

 

Which created an internal judgment

 

And an external focus on another women’s size

 

What triggers me is men, and women, who make comments

 

When a woman is skinny she is sexy and beautiful

 

And when a pretty woman carries a few extra pounds

 

She is fat.

 

I pray that we can all drop the comments and judgments

 

And see the beauty in all sizes.

 

When I was 15 years old my basketball coach said that I was not skinny

 

Implying I was not acceptable

 

From then on I developed a distorted body image and eating disorder

 

Which was reinforced by my family

 

And then the modeling agency

 

Instead of gaining the freshman 20, I lost 20 pounds my first year of college

 

Fat-free diet meant beer, cereal and daily cardio

In my 20’s I continued to drink, do drugs and battle with my food, weight and body image.

 

Once I started to detox and fast, it became another way to clean my shame, control my weight and gain external approval.

 

 

It’s been a long journey and now, after almost 40 years, I finally came to know self-love. For the first time this year I didn’t default to an extreme detox diet or fast for my big day, my wedding. I know what I’ve put my body through after all these years, and after 2 miscarriages in under 2 years, I have learned to nourish and nurture myself and others.

 

Instead of detox I embrace self-love.

Self-Love

 

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