Self-Mothering Ritual

Mother’s Day is this Sunday.I want to honor all of you who are mothers, those of you who gave birth, adopted, and raised children, and step children, as well as single dads and men who took on a motherly role for their children. This holiday can be hard for those of you who grew up without your mother, who lost your mother, who have a strained relationship with your mother, or have never been close to your mother.My brother sent me this horoscope from Rob Brezsny for Sagittarius signs this week, and I think it’s perfect for anyone who needs it:“So much of what we learn about love is taught by people who never really loved us.” My Sagittarian friend Ellen made that sad observation. Is it true for you? Ellen added the following thoughts: so much of what we learn about love is taught by people who were too narcissistic or wounded to be able to love very well; and by people who didn’t have many listening skills and therefore didn’t know enough about us to love us for who we really are; and by people who love themselves poorly and so of course find it hard to love anyone else. Is any of this applicable to what you have experienced? If so, here’s an antidote that I think you’ll find effective during the next seven weeks: identify the people who have loved you well and the people who might love you well in the future – and then vow to learn all you can from them.”I really love what Rob says in the last sentence, and it has been so true for me. We learn so much about love, and ourselves, from the people who really see us, who get us, who value us, who support who we are, and how we feel. Nearly all of us have had that special teacher, relative, mentor, friend, therapist, even a janitor at school, or another person who may have been in our lives for just a short time and was really there for us. The other way that we learn to love and heal ourselves is to give ourselves what we needed and didn’t get from our parents. We do this by developing the mother aspect inside of us for ourselves – that part of us who is caring, nurturing, comforting, protective, supportive, encouraging and unconditionally loving, and turning all of that inward for ourselves. Together, these two approaches, self-mothering and learning from those who truly love, see, and value us, can help us receive more of that supportive love, both inside ourselves and in our relationships. “As within so without.”

Self-Mothering RitualTake some time to reflect and write in your journal all of the people in your life who have truly seen you and supported who you are. You may start to remember some random encounters with strangers who said something impactful to you about yourself, or someone who you weren’t even close with but appreciated your essence. Again, this could be a special teacher, relative, mentor, friend, therapist, even a janitor at school, or any other person. Keep allowing memories to surface of when you felt loved and supported, and how they made you feel good about yourself.Optional: Sit in your sacred place with the things you love around you, for example, your favorite candle, crystal, essential oil, deity, pet, etc…Close your eyes and think of all of the people who hurt you because you didn’t – or don’t – feel truly heard, seen, valued, or cared for by them.Allow them to walk away and leave your heart space as you focus on all of the people in your life (now and in your past) who truly see and support who you are. They listen to you, appreciate who you are and what you have to say, and care for your feelings. Really feel their love and support. Keep focusing on them and receive their love into your heart as you are seen and valued for who you are and what you offer. You are so loved and valuable. Take a “snapshot” of that feeling to carry with you, so you know when it is happening and when it isn’t. Happy Mother’s Day!Sending you so much love,