Is Comparison Blocking Your Gifts?

Self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy are some of the most common issues I see. These feelings are most often the result of people applying external standards to how they should be. Sometimes this involves setting high standards of achieving great fame, notoriety, or even large social media followings.

Elicia Miller Self Doubt

Like any ‘should’, when applied to yourself, there is a lack of self-acceptance and not accepting your unique situation and path. This stems from the underlying core wound of not feeling good enough. The desire for fame, for example, may be a way to prove to yourself that others love and accept you, and that you are worthy. You may compare yourself to famous people and what they have achieved and attained. However, even great fame can include a lack of self-acceptance, and there are many examples of famous people who never felt loved enough.A dramatic example of a famous person who followed a path that wasn’t good for them, based on a lack of self-acceptance, is Amy Winehouse… this week is the 8th anniversary of her passing. Though she was a great talent, she was introverted and didn’t want to be in the limelight. It was Amy’s father, who was her manager, who insisted that she go on tour in front of thousands of people. Because Amy’s wounded inner child desperately wanted her father’s love, she ignored what she wanted and did what he wanted. He was selfish and wasn’t there for her as a child, or as an adult. Amy’s core abandonment wound made her believe she was unloveable, which heavily contributed to her self-destructive drinking. Instead of feeling her emotions and healing her shame, she would also binge and purge. Her desire to feel loved by her father, who wasn’t actually capable of giving her what she needed or of accepting who she was, cost her her health, sanity, and ultimately her life; she died of alcohol poisoning at age 27.You can watch the movie AMY as an example of what it looks like to live from your wounded child…Just because people are famous and have raving fans, doesn’t mean they accept who they are, or are happy. The most important thing for us all to focus on is healing our wounds so we first and foremost accept who we are. When we do this, we know what we want and need, so we are true to ourselves. We can also know who is, and is not, supporting us.

Love you more chair

Then, when our gifts bring us fame, we can decide how to be famous, in our own way. But living for fame, without first accepting who we are, often ends tragically – whether it is sudden, as in suicide or death, or slow, in a life of fame while never truly feeling loved. If you’re suffering from comparing yourself to others, trying to keep up with those you admire, or earn the love of someone you look up to, I invite you to learn the process to heal your wounded inner child in my Core Emotional Healing Self Study.Make it part of your regular self-care routine to take time to check-in with yourself and make sure that you are doing things that align with your desires, your goals, and the life you want to create. Here are some tips to help you take care of YOU…

1. If it feels wrong, don’t do it.

2. Say exactly what you mean.

3. Don’t be a people pleaser.

4. Trust your instincts.

5. Never speak badly about yourself.

6. Never give up on your dream.

7. Don’t be afraid to say “No”.

8. Be kind to yourself.

9. Let go of what you can’t control.

10. Stay away from drama and negativity.

Sending you so much love,

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