Healing Turning Points: Itching, Hives, and Self-Neglect
This post is the fourth in a series called Healing Turning Points: Transforming Pain into Self-Love. The purpose of this series is to show you that you are not alone, that others have experienced the same pains you have, and that there is a path to healing.
You can catch up with all installments of the Healing Turning Points series below:
Healing our emotional wounds is a journey that is unique for each person and full of twists and turns and surprising realizations.
While we can be mostly healed from our past, our growth continues and as we grow, different aspects of ourselves are brought to light, which can bring up new aspects of early wounds. This is just a natural part of the healing process.
But one thing that is true for me, and has been for all the people I’ve helped, is that you never forget that point - the point in your life when you finally said, “ENOUGH!”
I call this the “Healing Turning Point”.
We get to our Healing Turning Point in our own time, some people suffer longer than others before deciding to seek the help they need, but eventually, we all experience that moment when we know something has to change.
Today, my client, Abi, is sharing her Healing Turning Point story…
I had horrid itching attacks all my life, like stings on my skin, to the point where I was excessively scratching in my sleep, leaving marks on my back.
There came a time when the itching had remained with me for about 6-7 months without shifting.
Having had the sense and understanding to leave the drama of my ex-partner’s house, I entered into another drama. I moved into a studio flat, which was perfect at the time. My landlady emphasized how she “hated change” and made me verbally promise that I would remain there for years as all her other tenants had.
Unfortunately, I was not in tune with my needs or body's responses enough to understand that we were not the right fit. Instead, I felt it my duty to make her feel safe.
I assured her I would stay for as long as possible. Inevitably she triggered me a lot, reminding me of my boarding school teachers, knocking on my door when it suited her, generally being insensitive to the space I needed, asking me to come up to chat.
I struggled to express to her that her behavior and actions were inappropriate without feeling guilty. I also hugely disliked the space after a while, it wasn’t in great condition and it added to my frustrations.
Everything changed through sessions with Elicia. Through journaling and other releasing practices, I starting expressing how this felt to me and how it felt as a child to not be listened to and acknowledged.
I slowly tapped into listening to my inner child through my feelings and becoming more aware of my emotions. And one day I just knew I had to leave having only been there a couple of months. I then had to communicate this to my landlady, which I struggled with but knew was completely necessary, and I was able to not get overwhelmed in my emotions despite her dramatic, “I feel hugely disappointed and let down”, remarks.
I realized no one was looking out for me.
I started to see how great I was at responding to other people’s needs first - to the detriment of my own needs.
Releasing old restricting patterns and beliefs around listening to higher authorities became important and releasing the limited belief - I didn’t matter or my opinion was not worthy of being acknowledged - became my focus. I had to release what being raised by emotionally disengaged parents meant to me, parents who sent me to boarding school with guardians and teachers who were neglectful and only rewarded me if I behaved the way they needed me to.
I had to ask myself, “What about me?”
Without acknowledging this, anger, resentment, and feelings of being trapped and frustrated would come up and the itching would dominate.
I now realize my feelings are my guides, triggered or not triggered, there is a person in me wanting to be heard and noticed.
I know I cannot afford to not acknowledge my responses without there being a consequence. So it’s a habit I am now creating, listening and acting on behalf of myself no matter how unfamiliar that feels!
The itching has gone, and I really do speak out when I need to, and I’m getting better at expressing myself, in spite of the fear of what it might mean to do so.
Addressing the message from my body and the emotional cause was the game changer. It forced me to look at the pattern I was playing out in my life and showed me that I needed to take drastic action.
Once I did, I felt better in every way.
In time, I had totally forgotten about my itching attacks until Elicia asked me how my symptoms were... and to my surprise, I realized that the hives were gone!
Elicia invites you to take ACTION, and to confront your fears. Especially when it feels strange. The invitation to allow any feelings to come up and encouraging everything to be felt without judging is life changing.
Her work takes you through the process with ongoing action steps and what to do next once you’ve realized the issue. It's not enough to just understand your problem, or clear the energy surrounding the issue, or to simply confront the situation - other things arise and unfold that need to be faced, acknowledged, and worked through and it always feels different. To fully feel and get access to deeper layers that I didn’t know existed is truly mind-blowing. And Elicia's support is felt throughout.
The CEH Self Study has been a gift, when I am triggered and I refer back to the lesson, I always hear something new that I didn't necessarily connect to before, as if hearing things for the first time. Also, the Journaling Workshop has transformed how I connect with myself and I didn't realize the magic in it.
I have been putting up boundaries and understanding and shifting more of my codependency patterns, which has led to releasing relationships.
I can now say goodbye to relationships when it doesn't FEEL right despite not knowing why. I am learning to trust myself as I trust my emotional guidance and inner voice.
I see how my resentment towards others is based on me needing them to be a certain way so I can feel safe and comfortable. When actually I need to start trusting my instincts, inner voice, and emotions in order to be comfortable first and not try to get my emotional needs met through them.
This has allowed me to appreciate people who are truly aligned with me. I am really honoring the re-wiring needing to take place whilst adding lots of support and loving compassion and patience to myself.
CEH has provided a cushion to guide me through life. I no longer fear life, because I know there is always a reason for feeling the way I do. Continuously realizing new things about me is wonderful, and encourages investigating more of my truth.
It feels like it is only the beginning of the journey and I am forever grateful.
Lots of love!