Below are questions that have come directly from clients in my CEH 6-Week Class, those who are doing the work with my CEH Self Study Program and showing up to get support when they hit blocks, resistance, or just need clarity on the process.
My goal is to give you some insight into the healing process and allow you to see how people, just like you, are getting the help they need.
Do I have to recall everything that ever happened to me and process all traumatic events to heal or will I need another lifetime? (She also mentioned that she is very careful with every interaction with herself and others, afraid of how it’s affecting her.)
You don’t have to address every trauma. Usually, specific trauma’s come to mind and when these are addressed, they take the energy out of other related traumas. There may be layers, but each specific incident does not need to be addressed.
You also don’t need to go digging for the traumas, nor do you need to try hard to make sure you are thorough with your healing. Stay present and just know that your healing will happen for you as long as you stay aware and engaged with your triggers and patterns. You will heal in the right time.
Put in the effort and trust that life will give you everything you need. If you are worried about every interaction you have, then that’s similar to a hypochondriac believing they have every disease they hear about. You are likely coming from being a perfectionist, and applying it to your healing, trying to get everything right. My suggestion is to relax and trust. Part of the healing process is learning from your mistakes and correcting along the way.
What is the line between experiencing huge repressed emotions but not overdoing it in one sitting? In other words: how do you know when enough is enough in one “feeling that feeling” sitting?
First, it’s important that you are feeling the source of your feelings, for example getting angry about how you were abused and neglected, and not angry at yourself or your life, symptoms, etc. If you aren’t getting to the source of your anxiety, depression, frustration, shame, sadness, anger…then you won’t be releasing it and you will be “sitting in it”.
If you are just going over your story in your head or on paper, you may feel worse if you don’t feel and express your feelings about what hurt you.
After you listen to the Inner Child Meditation in the Self Study, you will create an intentional time where you’ll be processing repressed emotions, or using your triggers to lead you back to your repressed emotions. You’ll be writing letters, feeling, and expressing your feelings out loud.
This process can get a little tricky when you are trying to do it on your own because you may think that you’re processing feelings when you’re keeping yourself in them. The emotions that will heal you are often completely different than the emotion you have typically been feeling.
My client said she processed feelings of shame after I helped her become aware of what hurt her, but she was just feeling her shame and started reading an Alice Miller book. Reading some of these books can help with the awareness of what you need, but they may not give you the process.
Alice Miller’s Drama of the Gifted Child, describes why people get stuck. It’s one of the best books about defenses and protecting the parents. It’s not about the process of feeling your emotions so you can heal. It’s important to focus on the things that can help you process your feelings.
You can read Healing The Child Within by Charles Whitfield and The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren, these books can help you to understand your feelings and why you need to value them. The basics of the Core Emotional Healing Self Study walks you through the process of healing your inner child, accessing and releasing your repressed emotions, and teaches the day-to-day skills you need to take care of your emotional needs on an ongoing basis.
If you’re feeling something due to a trigger, or through a new awareness, you can allow yourself to go further into your feelings, expressing them, crying, bashing a pillow, and then comfort your inner child with the most supportive messages that all children want and need. Going through this process usually lasts around 10-30 minutes.
I want you all to know that when you’re starting this process and going into your feelings and actually expressing them, it’s normal to feel uncomfortable.
The CEH process helps you to embrace your feelings no matter what, without trying to shift them just to feel better.
When you work through the CEH process, you will notice that you didn’t react the way you have in the past, and you feel different and better.
A client shared that she is afraid to make a decision that will not move her forward, that she won’t keep progressing if she makes the wrong choice. She asked her father to support her decisions and to not doubt her choices. He told her she has made the wrong choices (not listening to what he wanted her to do in the past) and that’s why she isn’t where she wants to be.
It’s important that your feelings are validated, and I’ll help you with that here. In a very real sense, that is what this is about. It includes learning how to set boundaries with those who don’t honor your feelings, and to ask for what you want from those who may be able to provide it.
You have every right to feel angry that your father was shaming you and making you wrong, especially right after you asked him to support your decisions. This has most likely happened your whole life and is what you are healing.
He obviously can’t hear you and he’s coming from a whole different place. He can’t hear what you actually need because he doesn’t know how to give that to himself, so he doesn’t know how to give it to you.
It’s also important to know that you may not get a lot of what you needed from your parents, in the past, now or ever. It may be that you continue to ask, even demand, that he support you no matter what you decide. But, he may still not give you what you need. He is coming from the old way, focused on material results and achievement. That way of thinking and living really causes a lot of the behaviors and patterns that so many of my clients are healing from. The old way of thinking, that you need to do things in a very specific way, and if you do this and that, then you’re successful…
Staying on the parent approved path even gets tied to your self-esteem, because this is how you repeatedly gained parental approval, but not for who you really are. So, being good, a “good person,” means doing what he/your parents want. What you want, what you feel, even what you know is not validated. If you do what he wants you to do, then you’re not listening to yourself, which means that you’re going to be disconnected from your true self and cannot follow your personal growth path.
The old way of our culture, of disregarding emotions, of losing a sense of internal direction, left our parents and most people lacking in self-awareness, unable to grow, evolve or heal. But if you are reading this, then you are on another path, a path of internal awareness, growth, authenticity and self-direction. So it’s going to be messy, feel confusing and unfamiliar, which are actually very good signs, because you’re learning to be yourself very differently than you have in the past. From the past and your immediate here-and-now experiences, you are reorienting yourself and gathering lessons along the way.
Regarding the expectations and demands of your father, it doesn’t mean you didn’t do it right or you aren’t successful, it just means that you are doing it differently. You are experiencing things he never did, a different, more fulfilling way of being that includes not only more connection to self but also more connection to the universe and its flow. Check in with yourself and see how this feels.
You now have a lot of life experience that is more valuable than a college degree in terms of your actually knowing about life and finding your true self and path, it just has to be “mined” through your healing process to get the self-affirming gems.
It doesn’t matter if you studied something that you’re not doing for a living. I’m sure you learned a lot in school. I’m sure you’ve learned a lot about yourself. You can have a career and then decide to stop doing it anytime you want. What usually happens is those skills that you learned in one career end up being used later on, but you don’t realize that until after you’re way down the road and you’re like, “Oh wow, now I see why I did that!” So typically your life starts to make sense later on.
While it may be good to spend a little time grieving what you didn’t get from your parents, and that your life isn’t how you wanted it to be, don’t worry about having wasted time or experience, as many of your gifts, both professional and personal, come from the difficult things you go through.
You can embrace and use the trigger of feeling pissed off, to process how your dad doesn’t and didn’t support you in the way that you need, shames you and makes you feel wrong. It can help you understand and to feel energized about changing how you feel. You can see more clearly why you didn’t feel good enough and/or that you don’t know what you are doing, and can’t trust yourself. You can also avoid having these conversations with him because it’s just going to reengage that same pattern, and doesn’t go anywhere.
When you give up the attachment to your parents needing to treat you a different way, you are then freer to heal and you will stop some of the negative recurring patterns in your life. This is one of the important shifts in healing. When you do it, you will be more able to heal yourself and find people who really, really support you on the many levels you need.
That is really important for everyone to know. Whenever you’re trying to get a parent or someone in your life to understand you and they never have and they can’t, it is going to keep you engaged in the same pattern that includes those same feelings of not being understood, seen, supported, and loved in a way that you need. All you need to do is accept that they can’t or are not capable and give yourself what you need.
Also, value the other people in your life who do give you what you need. You can get what you needed from your parents through other relationships, including caring for your own inner child, when your parents can’t and never could and never will.
Another client wrote about still feeling guilty about spending time and money healing herself when she feels she should be working and making money to support herself instead.
Processing your guilt is something you’ve been working on this past year. You are letting go of your conditioning and reparenting yourself. You are letting go of living by an external standard that you need to be working until you are more successful or when you have more money, and embracing the fact that taking care of yourself is what is most important.
By focusing on taking care of yourself, healing yourself and listening to your feelings, and applying that to your work, you will become more aligned with your work. You’ll also be more effective with your work because you’ll be coming from a place of feeling relaxed and good about yourself, and confident without trying to prove yourself. From that place you’ll also attract more opportunities in a more relaxed and flowing way.
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Core Emotional Healing® (CEH) gets to the root cause of your symptoms in order to heal for good.
CEH was developed because while physical treatments, traditional therapy, energy healing and other healing modalities help – they often don’t get to the root cause of mental and emotional symptoms, eating disorders, addictions and relationship problems, and many emotionally based physical symptoms.
Because the underlying emotional issues aren’t addressed, you end up repeating patterns, or your symptoms come back after years of therapy and treatments.
My intention for you is to see yourself more clearly by releasing the conditioning and false beliefs that were created from what you experienced, your culture and your family’s conditioning.
Seeing yourself more clearly is about seeing what is best for you in the moment, as opposed to what you “should” be doing or where you think you should be or what other people want from you. Most of us imagine an ideal life. Attaining some version of that starts with knowing and accepting where you are right now, internally and externally. So, it’s important to move forward from where you are right now, and not to fret over where you thought you would be or to overfocus on the ultimate goal. It often looks different than we imagined, and can even be better simply because we discover more of who we are and allow ourselves to receive what arises. We are all evolving, healing, and growing out of the old ways that have limited our experiences.
Now, more than ever, the world needs you to step into and speak your truth. Embrace your unique path and divine timing.
Lots of love,