Candida, Eczema, Perfectionism & Inner Child Work
Before joining Elicia’s 6 month private program my life was very busy, regimented, overstuffed with unnecessary “obligations”… that was sort of the daily life I was used to before the Candida got really bad (or before I knew about the Candida).
Right before I joined the program though, I was in a really rough state… I was covered in eczema and in so much pain from it- at one point so bad that my eyes were almost swollen shut. The doctor gave me steroids for it, which calmed the eczema, but made the Candida that much worse.
I had to quit my job, stop dancing, couldn’t eat anything, couldn’t even really be out of my apartment for more than a few hours at a time because I was just so physically uncomfortable, and I was really depressed. A lot of crying, and I went through periods where I genuinely wished to be knocked out. I wanted to be unconscious so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain and discomfort I was in and could wake up when it was over. Most of the time that was all I could focus on – trying to not be in pain or itchy – so I couldn’t get anything done, which was torture enough for me as I’ve always been obsessed with being productive. And then because I had no job/income, I was that much more stressed about money and the burden that it was causing in my relationships. I felt pretty hopeless.
In a way, I felt like I knew what I needed to do for myself and thought I knew what the healing process was going to be like, but I found that I was constantly surprised. Which is not to say that the stuff I felt deep down in my gut was wrong, but there was just more to the process that I never would have known to explore on my own without the help of Elicia.
I felt embarrassed by what was going on with me and thought this was something I should be able to handle on my own. I discredited it as a serious condition because it wasn’t some deadly disease I had ever heard about before, so I felt ashamed for not being able to “fix” myself.
One of the things I really needed was to talk to someone who had been through it and who just got it. I remember reading through Elicia’s website during one of my more painful episodes and being pretty shocked to see how much deeper her work went than just doing an anti-Candida diet.
All of the things that contribute to Candida were things that defined me: perfectionism, stress and giving my power away.
The most surprising and effective part of this program for me has been the inner child work and some of the deeper digging into parts of my past to look at emotional triggers. This was something I would’ve never in a million years thought to connect to my healing process from Candida. And working with Elicia has been so great because she has a way of providing a quiet and constant energy that gives you space to unfold things, and also reframing snippets of what you share as questions or food for thought that allow you to see things about yourself in a completely new light. It’s helped me understand myself better and highlight the areas I really need to focus on.
As I’ve heard a lot of people say, my healing process and journey so far has not been linear. It’s still very much ongoing, but I feel like I’m in a good place with it and now have the tools to keep practicing and doing the work on my own, which is really exciting!
Most Significant Improvements:
Eczema (symptom) free
First time in 3+ years! I have scars from what I went through but the difference in how I feel about them is significant – it’s now almost as if I’m content to display the scars as “battle wounds” versus hiding the eczema in shame.
Healthier relationship with food
Less attachment to it and an ability to only eat what I want to eat and stop or say no when I don’t actually want something, which has never been the case for me. If I was offered a sweet treat in the past, I would always say yes because my mind/sweet tooth wanted it, but now I’ve actually noticed myself declining when my body doesn’t want it!
I’ve always been a pretty self-aware person in general, but this feels like a new kind of self-awareness.. now I have a much better awareness of how and when my feelings and emotions are affected by others’ actions and assessing whether the issue is really about them or if it’s something within me.
I’m finding that as I’m getting more adventurous, I’m 1) less afraid that the food itself is going to cause me to have a reaction, and 2) moving on with my life… meaning, getting away from even thinking about food so much and instead focusing on other things in my life that are more important!
More gratitude in life!
I think about the mental, physical and emotional state I was in a year ago and am so thankful for where I am in my healing journey. I can honestly say I have never felt so grateful to feel how I feel right now… even though every day isn’t 100% amazing, just remembering how shitty I felt before makes even the off days now seem ok.
Asking for what I want
The most obvious example for me has been the process of getting a new job. I was getting very frustrated and about ready to give up after getting no responses to cold calls/emails for positions I was overqualified for, and Elicia encouraged me to write out what I was looking for and reach out to people in my network about it. Of course once I did this, I had infinitely more success and now have a job doing exactly what I was looking for! I have taken this advice into other areas too and feel like it’s helped me tune in to be more honest with others, and myself and honor how I’m feeling or what I want/need in the moment.
Putting less pressure on myself
I’ve been so tightly wound for most of my life, and have always tried to cram way more into my schedule than what is realistic. And the problem wasn’t just that I did that, it was more that I wouldn’t let things go after I failed to do them all. I became this fumbling mess trying to squeeze all of these extra things in and then not enjoying my life. I was so addicted to productivity that I would just mentally beat myself up for not checking off all the boxes… So throughout this program, I honestly kept expecting this earth-shattering breakthrough or a life-changing “aha” moment to break this habit, and it didn’t happen like that. In a way, I was almost disappointed that I didn’t flip a switch, even though a part of me knew that was unrealistic. However, what snuck up on me was that at some point during the program, I started taking out time for me without even realizing it.
I still go into crazy over-scheduling mode more often than I would like to, but I’ve also been organically going for walks in the middle of the day without blocking that into my schedule. I guess at a certain point, even though my mind/ego keeps going with its habits, I’ve just naturally been able to filter out some of that noise and acknowledge my actual needs.
And now after getting back from a walk, instead of feeling the added stress of having to make up for all of the things I didn’t do during that time, it all seems to matter a lot less! I don’t beat myself up for it, I enjoy the time to myself. 🙂
I’m so incredibly grateful for you, Elicia, and I really appreciate your coaching style – I admire your ability to be loving, supportive, calm, and firm all at once. It was really the best, most necessary combo and was exactly what I needed to guide me through the program and my healing journey. There’s just so much to say and it’s hard to put in to words. Thank you for such an intangible gift!